december-web-homemoanerOpen the creaky door and once again have a peek into the old nostalgia closet with Uncle Ben, who starts every sentence with “I remember …”

Coffee. A dark liquid, served scalding into a paper cup with a Greek motif or a china cup with a saucer. Many folks who went through rationing during the last real war drink it black because “we were lucky enough to get coffee, let alone milk.”

I was contemplating replacing my coffee maker. It is stationed in the pantry surrounded by tiny hillocks of ground coffee and an occasional stray bean. Since the maid barely ever gets that deep, there are also dried puddles of coffee I have spilt over the years.  

I bought this one at least five years ago. I went for cheap, since those coffee makers in the “Mr. Coffee” style are very simple and pretty much (spoiler alert) all the same. The previous model cost well over a hundred bucks. One day I put the grounds in the top, poured in the water, flipped the “on” switch, and got nothing. Somewhere in its complicated, over-engineered innards something went horribly wrong. Coffee maker to landfill, Homemoaner to Bed Bath & Berserk for a replacement that, as I recall, ran me about $39.95 and is still gurgling away. Every morning. At 5 a.m. when I get up to make the coffee, because that’s when the alarm clock (phone) tells me to.

Lo and behold, there are, in spite of its Spartan design, some buttons and LED windows on the base of my plastic appliance. I figured out how to set this bad boy up to make coffee in the morning so I don’t have to get out of bed to do it! I Googled instructions and voila! As long as I remember to make it in the afternoon or in the middle of the night when I get home from work, there is a fresh, steaming pot of good old-fashioned American coffee, longing to be chemically altered with artificial sugar and let’s hope someone bought some half-and-half.

So I will keep this one for now. It serves me well. Perhaps I, the maid, shall honor this device by giving it a cleaner environment. It fills the air with its fabulous aroma and gurgling sound as I bring a fresh cup to bed, where it is warm and comfortable and — what’s the best way to get coffee out of bed sheets? Readers?

Half skim half decaf petite mocha espresso. [email protected]